Are you living your life the way you want—or the way someone else expects you to?
It’s a big question, and it hits hard. A lot of us feel stuck trying to be what our parents, friends, or even social media tell us we should be. We’re scared of being rejected, so we pretend. We play a role.
But here’s the truth: living like that can make you miserable.
The Trap of Pretending
When you keep pretending to be someone you’re not, it doesn’t just tire you out—it changes you. You might act like everything’s fine, but deep down, you’re losing yourself. If you do it long enough, you start to forget who you really are. You become this version of yourself that’s all about fitting in, not about being real. One day, you might look at yourself and think, “Who even am I anymore?” That’s not just sad—it’s scary.
You Can Choose Differently
Here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck. You can choose to be yourself. But to do that, you’ve got to figure out who “yourself” actually is. That’s not a quick fix or an easy answer—it’s work. And I’m not going to pretend I’ve got it all figured out, because I don’t. None of us do. But I believe it’s worth trying.
Look Back to Find Yourself
So, how do you start? Think back to when you were a kid. Remember those times when you were just you—no pressure, no pretending. Maybe you were messing around with friends, laughing until your stomach hurt, or doing something you loved just because it felt right. Those moments weren’t fake. They were real. They’re like little hints about who you truly are. Hold onto them and ask yourself: “What made me feel so alive back then?”
Let Go of the Lies
Finding yourself isn’t just about remembering the good stuff. It’s also about clearing out the junk that’s been piled on you. You’ve been told a lot of things about who you should be—by family, by society, by the world. Some of those things are lies. Maybe you’ve been told you need to act a certain way, look a certain way, or chase things that don’t even matter to you. It’s time to question that stuff. Ask yourself: “Is this really me, or is it what someone else wants me to be?” Reject those lies, one by one. It’s not easy, but it’s how you make space for the real you.
Take a Quiet Moment
This isn’t something you can rush. Take some time to think about it. You could meditate if that’s your thing, write in a journal, or just sit quietly somewhere. The point is to listen to yourself—your own thoughts, your own feelings. No distractions, no noise. Just you. It might feel weird at first, and that’s okay. It’s a start.
It’s a Journey, Not a Race
I’m not going to lie—figuring out who you are takes time. It’s messy. There’s no step-by-step guide that works for everyone, and anyone who says otherwise is probably full of it. We’re all stumbling through this, learning as we go. I don’t have all the answers, and you might not find yours right away either. There’s so much we don’t know, and that’s fine. What I do believe, though, is that being true to yourself is the best shot you’ve got at real happiness.
So, what?
Look inside. Think about those real moments from your past. Start peeling away the layers that don’t feel like you.
It’s not about being perfect or having it all together—it’s about being honest with yourself. It’s a journey, and it’s one worth taking. You deserve to live a life that’s yours, not someone else’s.
